Act I[]
[Scene I- Ext. Shelter 17 Field Enclosure]
(We start with the camera focused in on an Old English Sheepdog chowing down on some kibble; suddenly, a car horn honks as a dark blue van drives into the pound; the van stops as the driver- a man in a black uniform wearing a cowboy's hat -steps out to the sound of a guitar strum)
McLeish: (Enters from stage right with Olaf; tone is annoyed) Alright, Ketchum- what have you got for us?
(Officer Ketchum walks off-screen, but quickly returns with a grey-furred puppy, which whines)
McLeish: (Tone is disgusted) What a scruffy-looking mutt!
Olaf: (Tone is sympathetic) Oh, I don't know, Mr. McLeish- I think he's cute.
McLeish: (Tone is annoyed) You think all of them are cute, Olaf.
Olaf: Well, each one is- in their own way. Who's a cutey poochy? (Begins to show the puppy affection... much to the puppy's distress)
McLeish: (Tone is irritated) Knock it off, Olaf! The point is this puppy isn't getting adopted anytime soon- whether we like it or not! (Suddenly realizes something) And I know the perfect place for him.
(Camera view shifts to the feet of McLeish, Olaf and Officer Ketchum as we see a boxer giving her back a good itch, a wiener dog chasing her tail and a chihuahua chowing on dog food; puppy is placed into enclosure with purple-and-white-furred dog facing away from the face)
McLeish: Here. This one never gets adopted, either. They can tell each other "boy and his dog" stories to pass the time. (Walks off-screen stage left)
Yipper: (Sighs unhappily)
Lucky: Psst- hey, kid!
Yipper: Huh?
Lucky: (Turns to face Yipper) Everything okay? Feeling a little down in the muzzle?
Yipper: (Tone is sad for the majority of the episode) Just a little sore around the collar is all.
Lucky: Well, Ketchum's a little rough, but he's not so bad, once you train him. (Gets up and walks over to Yipper) They call me Lucky on account of my good fortune.
Yipper: Well, they call me Yipper... for no particular reason at all.
Lucky: (Tone is friendly and inviting) Well, Yipper, welcome to Shelter 17- the kooshest pound this side of paradise.
Yipper: (Confused) What's so koosh about it? (Looks around) It looks like every other joint I've been in.
Lucky: Well, that's because you're only seeing it from the topside.
Yipper: (Curious) What other side is there?
Lucky: Funny you should ask. (Whistles)
(Dogs begin opening secret passageways hidden under dog bowls and dog houses, putting up wooden standees of themselves and then entering the passageways)
Yipper: (Surprised) What the heck?!
Lucky: (Waving Yipper in) After you.
[Scene II- Pound Puppies Headquarters]
(Yipper enters into the secret passageway, with Lucky following right behind him; camera follows the two as they walk through the HQ)
Pound Puppies: (Doing pushups while repeating something unintelligible over and over again)
Lucky: Pretty cool, huh?
Male Pound Puppy: Hello, Pet Mart? Shelter 17 needs 600 pounds of Chewies delivered- A.S.A.P!
Yipper: (Surprised) y-you guys talk to humans?
Lucky: Well... only when they don't know it and only when absolutely necessary.
Yipper: (Realizes something; tone is excited) Wait! You're the Pound Puppies! I thought you guys were just a legend!
Lucky: Oh, no. We're real, alright. If a dog needs a home, we're the guys to find him one... No matter how much the humans mess things up.
(Yipper tries to follow, but bumps into the Boxer from earlier)
Yipper: Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse me.
Cookie: (Tone is angry) What are you doing down here mutt?!
Yipper: (Tone is nervous) I, um...
Cookie: Don't you know this is a command center! No unauthorized dogs without proper iden-
Lucky: Down, Cookie. He's a new guy- a stray.
Cookie: (Suddenly friendly) a stray? Oh, I'm sorry, pumpkin. I'm Cookie. (Tone is serious) Listen- anyone gives you trouble, just tell me and I'll chew them out.
Yipper: Oh, that's okay- you don't have to yell at anyone for me.
Cookie: No, I mean really chew them out- with my teeth! (Bears fangs menacingly)
Yipper: (Tone is scared) oh, thanks... I guess.
Cookie: Oh, no trouble at all. (Turns to Lucky) alright, I gotta go, Lucky. Gotta go take my human for a walk.
Yipper: (Begins to follow Cookie) you have a human?
Cookie: (Matter-of-factly) course I do! Half the dogs down here have people on the outside.
Yipper: (Surprised) wow.
Cookie: Remember- with my teeth! (Bares teeth)
Yipper: (Slightly nervous) wow, she's tough.
Lucky: Yeah- and that's when she's in a good mood.
Niblet: (Starts off-screen, but quickly bounds up to Lucky and Yipper; tone is urgent) Lucky! Lucky! I got something important to tell you- really, really important!
Lucky: Yipper, meet Niblet.
Niblet: (Tone is friendly) oh, hi, Yipper. Welcome to our secret headquarters- secret, but fun!
Lucky: Alright, Niblet- what's so important?
Niblet: (Pauses for a second) um... I forgot. (Bounds off-screen, stage right)
Lucky: Nice guy, that Niblet. Just don't let him bury your bone- you'll never see it again!
Strudel: (Off-screen; tone is angry) no, no, no!
[Scene III- Strudel's Lab]
(Lucky and Yipper walk to an open area, with gadgets scattered all along the walls; a wiener dog is supervising a group of squirrels building a strange contraption in the center of the room)
Lucky: You've gotta meet Strudel- probably the smartest wiener dog in the world.
Strudel: (Tone is angry) you've got the diode connected to the transmuter, and the transmuter connected to the LED! Didn't anyone look at the schematics?
Squirrels: (Point at each other and chitter frantically, as if to say "It's not my fault- blame him!")
Strudel: (Sighs in exasperation) if I only had thumbs.
(Brown squirrel wearing an acorn helmet squeaks happily)
Strudel: (Tone is hopeful) what's that, Mr. Nut Nut? You've got it working? Oh, finally- my work of staggering genius is ready! Alright- let's give it a go!
(Blue squirrel places a pink helmet with goggles on her head)
Strudel: Ready on the left?
(Grey squirrel grabs a lever)
Strudel: Ready on the right?
(Slightly maroon squirrel poises himself in front of a console)
Strudel: Contact!
(Machine activates and proceeds to scratch Strudel's back with a pair of rakes)
Strudel: (Clearly enjoying her new invention; tone is pleased) oh, yeah. Oh, right there. Oh, that's the spot!
Yipper: (Tone is amazed) wow! A back-scratching machine- she really is smart!
Squirt: (Off-screen) psst- hey, kid!
Yipper: (Looks around for source of voice) huh? Who said that?
Squirt: Down here!
(Camera pans out, revealing a Chihuahua is standing next to Lucky and Yipper)
Squirt: Could I interest you in a squeaky toy or a new bed? You got the kibble, I got the goods!
Lucky: You've gotta watch out for Squirt here. He's the best scrounger in the business, but there's always a price.
Squirt: (Defensively) hey, I ain't in this for my health, ya know.
Lucky: Shouldn't you be on surveillance duty?
Squirt: Alright, I'm going, I'm going. (Turns around to leave; addresses Yipper) But, you know... if you're interested... (Walks off-screen, stage right)
(Yipper turns around; a look of surprise crosses his face for some reason)
Lucky: (Turns around as well) And these are the rest of the guys. Everyone, this is Yipper.
Pound Puppies: Yipper!
Yipper: All this to help stray dogs find homes?
Lucky: And to goof with humans, but that's just a perk.
(Everyone present, except Yipper, burst out laughing)
Lucky: (Notices Yipper's sad look) Come on, kid, it's funny.
Yipper: Yeah, I know. It's just... Well, I'm sure you can find homes for other dogs, but there's no way you can help me. I've been a stray my whole life. Nobody's ever wanted me, and nobody ever will.
Lucky: Yipper, we Pound Puppies have a saying: "A pup for every person, and a person for every pup." And you, my friend, are no exception. Strudel, show this guy the FKD.
Yipper: The FKD?
[Squirrels chattering, thud]
Strudel: AKA, The Free Kid Database. This book contains every dogless human in a 50-mile radius.
Lucky: Trust me, Yipper, somewhere out there is a kid with your name on him.
Olaf: I sure feel sorry for that new doggy, sir, he looks so lonely. Feet, sir?
Mr. McLeish: You know what your problem is, Olaf? You're soft. You need to be more like me - strong, cool, unflappable.
[Phone rings]
Mr. McLeish: [Yelps, thuds]
Olaf: Hello? It's for you, sir.
Mr. McLeish: Give me that! Yes, this is head dog catcher McLeish. Really? My pound has been chosen? And the machine is on its way? Oh, thank you! We'll be ready!
Olaf: Sir, what's going on?
Mr. McLeish: Big things, wonderful things! City Hall, I need to talk to the mayor right away. Tell him it's his brother-in-law. That's right, the head dog catcher. Stop laughing and get the mayor on the phone! Hello, Jerr? It's me. No, your brother-in-law. Listen, Jerr, have I got some big news for you.
Squirt: [Sarcastic whimper]
Yipper: Sure are a lot of great-looking humans here, but... I don't know, I've been rejected so many times, maybe I'm just not meant to find my human.
[Alarm blaring]
Yipper: [Gasp]
Lucky: Oh. Red alert! Everybody up, up, up! 'Cept for you, Yipper. Keep looking, we'll cover for you.
[Dogs barking]
[Gates open]
Deliveryman: I got a delivery for McLeish.
Mr. McLeish: Yes, yes, put it over there!
Lucky: What's going on?
Squirt: Eh, another one of McLeish's cockamangey plans to impress them other humans.
Olaf: I still don't understand. What is it?
Mr. McLeish: What it is is a marvel, a wonder. Behold - the Kibble-nator 5000!
Olaf: Does it launch missiles?
Mr. McLeish: Oh no, Olaf, it launches dog food!
Squirt: It's a machine that doles out chow.
Mr. McLeish: Don't you see, Olaf? Out of all the dog pounds in the entire country, ours has been chosen to test this wonder of canine technology!
Olaf: I'm so proud!
Mr. McLeish: We'll have a ribbon-cutting ceremony, and the press will be there - the mayor will have to promote me!
Squirt: Pathetic.
Lucky: Hey, what are you doing up here, Yipper?
Yipper: Look, I appreciate the help, Lucky, but let's face it - I'm a lost cause.
Billy: Hey, dad, can I go look at the dogs?
Deliveryman: Sure, son.
Billy: Hey, fella! Hi, girl! How long you been in here?
Lucky: [Clears throat]
Yipper: Kennel cough?
Lucky: No, it's just-
Billy: Hey, doggies. Well, better get back to my dad.
[Squeak]
Billy: What's this? Did one of you guys wanna-
[Dreamy theme]
Billy: [Gasp] Dad, dad!
Yipper: Did you see him, Lucky? Did you?
Deliverman: Here's your receipt. If anything goes wrong, just call Jack Rabbit Delivery and we'll come back and-
Billy: Dad, dad! I found him, dad, I found him! The perfect dog, look!
Yipper: [Excited barking]
Billy: Can I have him, dad? Can I, please?
Deliveryman: Well, I don't see why not. Hey, McLeish.
Mr. McLeish: Huh? Oh, yes, thank you very much, bye now. We'll call you if we need you.
Deliveryman: Yeah, what do I got to do to adopt my boy one of these dogs?
Mr. McLeish: Adopt a dog? I can't be bothered with adoptions, I need to get ready to show what an efficient pet adoption service I'm running.
Deliveryman: But, but-
Mr. McLeish: Go on. Shoo, shoo.
Deliverman: Fine, forget it. Come on, Billy, you don't need a dog anyway.
Billy: But dad!
[Engine revving]
Lucky: Uh, Yipper?
Yipper: That... was him. My perfect person. And now... he's gone. NOOOOOOOO!
Lucky: Move aside, move aside! Give him air!
Niblet: Oh no, is he- ?
Lucky: Playing dead? I'm afraid so.
Yipper: My person... my person...
Lucky: Yipper! Yipper! It's worse than I thought! Emergency weiner, stat!
Yipper: [Sniffs, gasps] Oh! Gee, thanks, guys. I was having the craziest dream. I met this boy, see, and he was perfect and-
Lucky: It wasn't a dream, Yipper, the kid was here.
Yipper: [Screams]
Cookie: Good job, doc.
Mr. McLeish: She's even more beautiful than I imagined, so... shiny!
Olaf: But how does she work?
Mr. McLeish: That's for you to know and you to find out. I've got to line up reporters for the big ribbon-cutting ceremony, so hurry up! Feeding time is in an hour.
Olaf: But sir, I'm just a simple animal control officer! Ohh...!
Lucky: Exhibit A, a dog with a broken heart. Exhibit B, a boy without a dog.
Pound Puppies: [Appreciative muttering]
Strudel: Excellent composition.
Niblet: Thanks, I painted it myself. Painting calms me down.
Lucky: Okay... Now, we know the boy came in a-
Niblet: I painted a tree, it has a nest of birds inside.
Lucky: [Sigh] We know the boy came-
Niblet: And that's a pretty sunset. I like sunsets! [Giggles, snorts] Sorry.
Lucky: Now we know the boy came in a yellow truck, right?
Pound Puppies: Right.
Lucky: So if we find the truck, we find the boy.
Squirt: Yeah, but uh, how're we gonna find it?
Lucky: Simple. Strudel, put out an all-pets bulletin to the other pounds. Cookie, send out the nose brigade. Squirt, call the pidgeons. As for the rest of you, go, dogs, go!
[Heroic theme]
[Dogs sniffing]
[Dogs barking]
Cookie: Mm, mm, mm.
Niblet: [Gasp]
Child: [Crying]
Strudel: [Grunt, thud] Well, we have found lots of yellow trucks, just not the right one.
Lucky: If we only knew something about that kid, anything!
Niblet: Well, we know his dad likes paper.
Cookie: Paper? What are you talking about?
Niblet: Well, when he finished unpacking the purty new machine, the man tore off a piece of paper and gave it to Mr. McLeish as a thank-you present.
Squirt: That ain't no present, you numbskull, it's a receipt. Humans give 'em to each other every time they make a deal.
Lucky: Of course, a receipt! Those things are full of information! And I'll bet you a ham bone the receipt the man gave to McLeish will lead us to the boy.
Cookie: Only problem is how we gonna find it?
Lucky: Not sure. But I know where to start looking.
Mr. McLeish: But you don't understand, Mr. Woodstein, this is the Kibble-nator 5000, and you're going to- Hello? Hello? Uggh!
Olaf: Uh, sir?
Mr. McLeish: Not now, Olaf. If I don't find a reporter to cover this story, the mayor will never show!
Olaf: Yes, sir, I understand sir, but- I can't make it work!
Mr. McLeish: Ugh! Do I have to do everything myself?
Lucky: Okay, split up and look for that paper.
Squirt/Cookie: Right.
Olaf: I don't know what's wrong with it, sir. It's so complicated with all these buttons and levers and-
Mr. McLeish: Have you tried plugging it in?
Olaf: Oops.
[Machine powering up]
Olaf: Wow, look at that.
Mr. McLeish: Yes, look at that - a miracle of canine food distribution technology. But what's the point if no one's here to see it?
[Phone rings]
Mr. McLeish: Yes, this is head dog catcher McLeish. Really? Really? Oh, boy!
Cookie: There's paper all over the place, but which one is it?
Lucky: Just look for anything familiar.
Squirt: [Grunting] Maybe it's in here.
Cookie: Check this out.
Lucky: Hey, that's the same rabbit from that truck.
Cookie: Now if I only knew how to read...
Mr. McLeish: That's wonderful! Wonderful!
Lucky: Cheese it, it's McLeish!
Mr. McLeish: Oh yes, sir, Mr. Stankmeyer, we'll hold off having you come in until three when you can get here. No, thank you, Mr. Stankmeyer. [Triumphant laugh] We did it, Olaf!
Olaf: That's great, sir. What did we do?
Mr. McLeish: We landed the big one! Carlton J. Stankmeyer will be attending our ceremony!
Olaf: Who's Stinkmeyer?
Mr. McLeish: Stankmeyer, Olaf, Stankmeyer - the mystery reporter who writes the city beefs column in the local paper. And when the mayor finds out Stankmeyer is coming, he'll have to come too. And if the mayor comes, the city council will come. And if the council comes, the chief of police will come! My name will be known far and wide, and soon, I'll be appointed - dare I say it - head of water and garbage! Yes!
[Slams drawer]
Lucky: Well, could be worse - could be locked.
Mr. McLeish: Hey, lock that cabinet, will ya? That's where I keep my evening hair.
Olaf: Yes, sir, Mr. M.
Lucky: [Sigh]
[Construction sounds]
Cookie: Great, just great! We got a chihuahua locked in a filing cabinet, a kid we can't find, and a dog so depressed he sent our whole team into a tailspin! Well, that guy, anyway.
Yipper: [Groan] I saw him, I really saw him.
Niblet: Yeah, but look on the bright side - the Kibble-nator makes our food chunks all smoochy and soft! [Eats] Mmm! Smoochy and soft!
Cookie: You're a bonehead, you know that?
Deliverman: If anything goes wrong, just call Jack Rabbit Delivery and we'll come back and-
Lucky: That's it!
Cookie: What's it?
Lucky: I got an idea that's going to solve everything!
Mr. McLeish: Jerr, Jerr!
Jerry: It's Mr. Mayor, Lenny. You may be my brother-in-law, but in public-
Mr. McLeish: Right, right. Mr. Mayor, so good of you to come.
Jerry: Where's Stankmeyer?
Mr. McLeish: Well, he said he couldn't be here till after three-
Jerry: He'd better show, Lenny, because if he doesn't-
Olaf: Canape?
Jerry: Ohh!
Lucky: And that's it - we get in, we get out, nobody gets hurt.
Cookie: I don't know...
Lucky: You got a better idea?
Cookie: [Groan]
Lucky: On three. Three!
Jerry: Mmm... I wonder if it's real crab?
[Dogs barking]
Jerry: Lenny, what is with those dogs of yours?
Mr. McLeish: You know dogs - all bark, no brains. Olaf, quiet them down!
Olaf: [Shusshing]
Yipper: You sure this is going to work?
Lucky: No, but it'll be fun to watch. Boys?
Strudel: Counterclockwise! Counterclockwise, you furballs!
Squirrels: [Grunting]
Strudel: This will be as easy as rolling over. If I could roll over.
Squirt: Get me outta here! [Pounding]
Niblet: Knock knock!
Squirt: Get me outta here, ya big numbskull!
Niblet: Get me outta here ya big numbskull who?
Jerry: I'm out of here, Leonard. If Stankmeyer hasn't shown, there's no point!
Mr. McLeish: Jerry, a little patience please!
Police chief: Look!
[Gates open]
Carlton J. Stankmeyer: Hey, misters, do any of you guys know a man named McLeish?
Mr. McLeish: That's me. Do you have a message from Mr. Stankmeyer?
Stankmeyer: Well, sorta... You see, he's me.
Jerry: You're Carlton J. Stankmeyer?
Stankmeyer: Yes, sir. But you can call me CJ, that's what my mum calls me. Hey, I'm sorry I'm late, I just had to finish my homework. When's the big ceremony?
Mr. McLeish: But, but- you're just a kid!
Jerry: Now, now, Lenny. Not in front of our friend from the press. Right this way, Mr. Stankmeyer. I can't wait to show you our new machine. Let's get going here, Leonard!
Mr. McLeish: You heard him, let's go!
Lucky: Come on, come on! They're about to turn it on!
Strudel: Got it. Oh no, I'm stuck! [Grunting]
[Thud]
Squirrels: Uh oh!
[Mic feedback]
Mr. McLeish: Ahem! Mr. Mayor, chief of police, teenager of the press, it is with great pride that I present you: The Kibble-nator 5000! Ooh, ahh, right?
Niblet: [Grunting]
Mr. McLeish: And now, with no further ado, stand back and witness the miracle of modern pound care!
Squirrels: [Panicking]
[Machine whirring]
Niblet: Aah!
Police chief: Ugh!
Mr. McLeish: Ugh!
Squirrels: [Screeching]
Olaf: Oh! Ah, ah!
Niblet: Weeee, isn't this fun!
Squirt: Eh, speak for yourself, Mutt Man.
Mr. McLeish: Oh, Mr. Mayor, I'm terribly sorry! I promise I'll make this up to you!
Jerry: McLeish, you wasted my time, you've embarrassed me in public, and you've soiled my favorite hanky! There is nothing, nothing, you can do that will ever make up for this!
Squirrel: [Screeching]
Mr. McLeish: Oof!
Jerry: Although that's a pretty good start! [Laughs] Ow!
[Dogs eating]
Cookie: You know, Lucky, that was one crazy plan, but I gotta hand it to you, you got Squirt out of that cabinet without a scratch.
Squirt: I may look alright on the outside, but on the inside, I got mental scars, let me tell ya.
Cookie: You made Niblet the happiest I've ever seen him.
Niblet: Ohhh, I couldn't eat another bite. Well, maybe just a little one.
Cookie: But the one thing you didn't do is find Yipper's boy.
Lucky: Oh, I didn't, did I?
[Horn honking]
Billy: Dad, dad, he's still here! I knew I'd see you again, I just knew it!
Mr. McLeish: I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Stankmeyer! Just please don't write about this in your column.
Stankmeyer: Got to. It's the job of the press to tell the truth. Besides, I need something to write about.
Billy: Dad, dad! I looked in his cage and no one's adopted him yet! So can I have him, can I?
Deliveryman: I don't know, son, Mr. McLeish here is kinda busy and-
Billy: But that dog's supposed to be mine, I just know he is!
Stankmeyer: How?
Billy: I can see it in his eyes, and he looks just like me. See?
Stankmeyer: Interesting. You know, if you adopt that dog, it'll make a great human interest story.
Mr. McLeish: Oh no, we don't have time for- Did you say a human interest story, as in you'd write something good about my pound instead of something bad?
Stankmeyer: Well sure, if he got the dog.
Mr. McLeish: Hmm. Perhaps that can be arranged.
Billy: Yay!
Yipper: He's gonna take me home, guys! He's gonna take me home!
Lucky: Of course he is, Yipper. He is your person, and you're his pup. It was meant to be.
Cookie: And as a graduate of Shelter 17-
Niblet: Who's finally found his home-
Strudel: We present you with this medal of membership.
Squirt: 'Cause like we always say-
Pound Puppies: Once a pound puppy, always a pound puppy.
Yipper: Aw gee, guys, I don't know what to say...
Lucky: Say goodbye, Yipper. And have a happy life.
Billy: There he is, dad! Isn't he great? I'm gonna call him... Bob! Come on, Bob! Come on, boy!
Cookie: Well, you did it again, Lucky - another puppy placed.
Lucky: All in a day's work, Cooks. Now come on, let's go lick us up some smooshy kibble chunks.
[Credits]